A Thin Line Between Love & Hate

We explore how to choose friends and partners who lift you up, how to set boundaries with family, and why distance and therapy can break painful cycles. We end with a charge to build self-belief, cut gossip, and protect your energy with clarity and respect.

• outgrowing old circles and releasing guilt
• setting boundaries with family through calm talks
• using therapy to unpack triggers and pride
• building relationships beyond sex and performance
• choosing words that protect confidence and dignity
• rejecting gossip and shallow loyalty
• spotting when you’re used as an accessory
• prioritizing self-drive over constant reassurance
• practicing forgiveness without forced access

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Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Theme: Friends And Growth
• 0:30 Outgrowing Circles And Letting Go
• 2:20 Family Boundaries And Hard Talks
• 4:45 Therapy, Triggers, And Communication Gaps
• 8:10 Breaking Cycles Of Hurt And Pride
• 11:20 Beyond Sex: What Relationships Need
• 15:15 Words, Confidence, And Self-Worth
• 19:45 Gossip, Loyalty, And Real Friendship
• 24:20 Being Used As An Accessory
• 28:20 Self-Reliance, Drive, And Support
• 33:20 Closing And Listener Actions

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome back to another episode of the Way The Money Podcast. And I'm your host, Dantees. And today, we will be talking about friends. The ones you can depend on. Friends. The ones you can lean on.

SPEAKER_01: 0:20

Alright.

SPEAKER_00: 0:23

We ain't gonna hold y'all out too long. We're gonna make sure that we get straight into it. So understand this. A lot of times you may feel like you may have a good circle in high school, or you know, you may have your select few friends that you fool with, but a lot of times on your way to success within life, or just growing, sometimes you grow apart from people. That can be friendships, relationships, all types of ships, to be honest with you. So, and I feel like if you are going through this right now, you are going through a transitional period in your life to the point to where it's a lot of times you may not fool with the same people, or sometimes you may have to let a friend go, it's perfectly normal. Do not feel guilty about it. Don't get trip yourself. Oh, but that was my dog, but she was my homie. And nah. Guaranteed it's a reason why you cut that person off. You cut he or she off, or if that person wasn't providing what they needed to provide, such as being an adequate friend, or however they however, whatever you felt like it was, then just leave them alone. It it costs nothing to just let a person know, or let a person know. Um like I I just can't do it no more. I I can't really rock with you. I can't really rock with you. But I feel like sometimes it can be hard to kind of let that go, even family members, because a lot of times, too, they can start, they can be the number one bearer of a lot of times. You may have family members that you don't like to see coming. Everybody has them. You have family members that you probably not associate with, some that you probably don't even bother about speaking to. You will literally see them in the store, you will literally walk past them like they're a whole complete scranger. Then when they get hair, hey, you give them that Ali, that Ali Sadiq, dry hay, like you definitely don't want, I definitely don't to fool with you. So why are you talking to me so? But understand this when you do that, when you start to cut people off and weed people out of your life, understand this for a better point. You have to reach, you get to your highest point when you under when you are by yourself. You understand yourself more when you are by yourself. And a lot of times you feel like it's though the people in your life are bringing you down to the point to where you feel like you can't grow or develop as a human. Sometimes you may have to give them, you have to give them distance. And there's nothing wrong with that because I'm not telling some people may have issues with their mama or daddy. I'm not telling you to cut off your people. Sometimes you may have to, you may have to distance yourself, but a lot of times too, you'll have to sit down one day and actually talk with your people too as well. Sit down and have that conversation that y'all didn't have without it being in judgment, any anger, somebody saying, Oh, I didn't do this, or you over exaggerating, you did this, y'all have to come to a place to where y'all can agree that if boundary would cross, or if you feel like a if you feel like the parent or the child was out of line, let them know that. Like let them, people, but I feel like as you know, we still suffer from even the older generation of, oh, I ain't gotta tell you nothing. I'm grown, I'm the band, you the job. Like, parents shouldn't be so authoritarian when it comes down to their feelings. You know what I'm saying? It's a difference between when you're actually telling what's wrong versus you lashing out and making people, you lashing out at other people and you making people feel how you feel. Because you don't feel good, I get the attitude. You don't feel good, I get, I get hurt or damaged. That's something that you need to go get help for. If you can't talk to us, go talk to a therapist. Go talk to somebody that can actually sit down with you, break you down, get you to a point of meet you in the middle and actually see what's going on with you. Don't just shy away from therapy or actually going to seek help because there's nothing wrong with it. I feel like a lot of people are communication deficient. They don't know how to handle conversation. And I feel like when they are confronted with that thing, a lot of times when they don't know how to deal with it, they tense up, they freeze up, they, oh, I don't want to do that. Uh, we don't talk in the hill for I don't want to do that. It's it's always it's always that that lash, that like that that lash back. You always get time because you get a flash, like if I would never heard, if I would never heard, or if I would never um listen to as a child or whatever the case may be, it's hard for you to kind of, it's hard for you to kind of internalize that and put that into a perspective that when I get to a point of, when I get to a point of like, when I have my own kids, I ain't gonna do that no more. And I try so hard not to, but then it comes a situation that you end up, you get flashbacks and you just flash out. Then you end up breaking that that promise you made to yourself as a little girl, I didn't want to do that. That's why I said we as young adults, the future parents, even parents now, we have to understand what it is that we felt that we were wrong in our life, and we have to confront that issue however you may see fit. Whether it's sitting down with yourself and actually feeling them emotions, crying, letting it go, going to that person who may have hurt you to go see. Going to that person who may have hurt you and literally tell them this is what happened. This is how you made me feel. That's to give you closure and give you the ability to be able to put your mind at ease and kind of throw away that baggage that been so that been so kind of just uptight and just it's been wrapped around you. But a lot of times I feel like it's a lot of pride that may go on both sides. Oh, I don't feel like I did this. Well, you hurt me. I don't feel like I need to do this either. And you come into a stalemate. But understand who is that helping in the end. Is that helping the situation in hand? No, it's not. And then you always end up doing that. Then you you then you um you end up going back to you end up going back to your default settings about it. I was just having to talk with my mom today, just about how a lot of adults may see triggers of their past and instantly break down or start to instantly break down or may start to, you know, be aggressive. Even I see it even in the young adults, the young parent, how they talk to their kids. They snatching their kids up by the arm. And mind you, the kids ain't even doing nothing. They may, a child could be just standing there. Uh she be standing there, she might be just looking at a song. Didn't I tell you to come on, just yanking, just just yanking attitude, just why? Why is that? And then you gotta understand when you do stuff like that, you conditioning your child for for that type of, for that type of, you you conditioning your child for that type of attention, for that type of the foot, for that type of stuff. She gonna be used to that. You damaging your child, you damaging whoever you're doing that to, you're damaging them every single day. Her being is going to be, she's going to remember that. Getting snatched up by you and all this stuff, and just getting talked to all types of ugly and all that. Because when it's time for you to be held accountable, nobody else is, nobody else is gonna be up there but you. You're gonna be up there by yourself holding accountable, but at the same time, I can't hold hate for, I can't hold hate for people. I can't do it. Even though, yeah, it sounds like the proper thing to do, even the people that wrong me, even whether it were friends, parents, um, associate relationships, I can't keep harboring that emotion within me. Because if I keep hating you, because a lot of times we love, we can hate a person, we hate a person just as much as we love them. And that's a dangerous thing. Cause if I love hard, if if we going out by based on that definition, then if I love hard, I hate you just as hard. Hate you enough just to do something to you, hate you enough to not wish you to do, not wish you to do well, hate you enough to any shortcomings you may have, I laugh at it. When a hate individual comes across and deals with those type of emotions, you'll be astonished at what comes out on the end. You never know you may have that because the suffering that that person may have caused you, it throws away the empathy that you feel for that person. It throws away the sympathy that you may feel for that person. It cuts off a lot of other receptors for that. And at the same time, and I'm not telling you, well, how you gonna tell me he was that person was hurting me and I still supposed to feel for him? No, you don't. It's a good thing you can have a forgetting, you can have a forgiving heart, but forgetting is something that I don't do. So once you do have, once you do have encounters and stuff like that, when it comes down to the people in your life, especially like friends or close people that you may know, sometimes it be the best thing is to give them distance. Instead of hurting them or doing something that you may regret, saying something that may be real, that may be real bad. Just don't do it. Remove yourself from the situation because it's always something that you can be able to grow and say different. Because you're gonna look back at it and be like, man, I shouldn't have said this. Man, I shouldn't have gone, I shouldn't have took it to the I shouldn't have took it to this limit. I shouldn't hate the person that raised me. I shouldn't hate, I have the disdain for you because it's so much that you did to me that you didn't account for. You haven't accounted for this yet, and I still feel like I'm holding this in my heart and my chest because you still haven't told me sorry. You still haven't apologized for me as well. So then when I get to a certain perspective in my life, and I grow up and I get to a certain point, I don't care no more. I don't care for your sorry no more. It's too late. I let you go. I cut you off. I don't want you coming around. You ain't gotta come to my house. I don't want you seeing my daughter, son, whatever the fact is. Everything is over with ain't no more me and you.

SPEAKER_01: 13:28

Whether you raise me or not.

SPEAKER_00: 13:37

But you see how that sounds, you see how how final that sounds. But then let that person die. Let that person not be, not let that person not even be available for you to hate them no more, do you still do? A lot of times we look at a lot of times the damaging that we received in this life don't get accounted for. It don't get upheld how we think it should be because it's not everybody's pain. It's ours. So with that being said, people, it's it's a lot to unpack when you deal with that. When it goes down to friends, lovers, parents, all that. Because relationships can take you through that type of energy too. Relationships are so underlined, like under the fact that they can be so many layers, then again, they can be just surface level with a relationship. Because what I mean by surface level, it could just be sex laying up with each other. It could be just it could just basically be sex and you buying that person stuff. And that's not a relationship. But we just classifying that under there because that's just that's just intimacy with a woman. But a lot of times, too, but if you're giving more than you're receiving in a relationship, then it's not for you. If that person is not subjecting, she's not putting, uh, she or he is not putting up an effort to actually give, cater, not cater to your need, but actually give you the support that you need as far as an on on a mental level. Never, it doesn't, everything doesn't have to be physical because relationships seek way past six. You can make a person feel good all day long. All day long. Would that make them stay? Yes, of course. But at the same time, they know they can't go nowhere else. The only time, and then you just become a less bunny. You just become a person that, oh man, that's that person I that's that person I know I can call that can get me right. I'm just stressed out.

SPEAKER_01: 16:02

Do you know what I'm saying? So it's more intuitive about, yeah, you think that, but it's like it don't be the case for real.

SPEAKER_00: 16:18

Cause y'all say a lot of times too, even just with, like I said, this day and generation now, it's all about get up at, doing wrong, do her wrong, get up at hunching all day. Like FD niggas, FD kids, all that, like, understandably, like, that's it's outrageous. Relationships are so relationships are so under, like, it's it's so underdeveloped, it's it's ridiculous. But a lot of times, even when you give your energy or even give your posit positiveness towards a person, they they they want more than that. You're not exciting them enough. You're not doing this enough enough. A lot of times people just want to go out there and have fun. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not saying people have to bond themselves into bondage or doing anything like that. Because I feel like people are gonna go to who they want to if that's who they want to go to. So if we just saying this, I'm just saying this from a hyperstatical, a hypothetical standpoint, that when you are hurt, you can't you can get hurt through all types of relationships, and they can shape you to become insecure about yourself. They can insert they can they can put you to be someone that it can make you hate yourself too. A lot of times they don't understand getting called ugly or all this type of stuff. The reason why I feel like while a lot some people may take it to heart, they may have, they may have that jurisdiction when they were younger. They mom may have said, oh girl, your hair is nappy. Look at it, it's just nappy. It's just, ugh, you need to call me, you need to do this, you need to do that. We are brought up as people to say, if we're if we ugly enough, if we ain't pretty enough, if we don't fit in the standard of other people, it's something wrong with us. And that ain't true. And I I'm be the first one to say it like we have to stop doing it, just as people in general. Because degrading and mitigating ourselves and making it just demeaning ourselves just for the sake of what? Oh, you got to look like this. Cause this is what they think. You look like a crackhead, you look like this and that. Saying that to a, you gotta understand how saying that to a woman, uh even a young girl, saying that to an older woman will probably get you hit or shot. Saying that to a young girl, understand how they'll cry. Understand what you're doing to their self-confidence as they get built up. And then they not having a dad in their life to actually give them that type of love, that type of energy, that type of supportive, that type of supportiveness to where they feel beautiful in any room, any type of room, and no matter how their head may look. That type of love, that type of energy. So guess what? They call, they go to other people, other men, and look for a daddy in them and call them daddy. Call them this. That's a mind of a person who's never had that, that's looking for that type of love. Are people that suit themselves up to be conquered?

SPEAKER_01: 20:04

And we don't need that.

SPEAKER_00: 20:06

I don't want somebody that then I I don't I don't want I don't want to conquer you. If I'm really, if I really got something with you, I'm with you to be with you, to build something together. It's one plus one. Because if I'm conquering you, that means you're beneath me, you're under me. I don't and I dominate you. You have no leverage over me. You see how that sounds? Oh my god, that's toxic masculinity. Like, I ain't you see what I'm saying? Now it's toxic masculinity, but this is what I be saying. Submissiveness and actually people that are that's that's that characteristic. It's some people, they they set themselves up to be dominated. They don't know no better. A lot of times they they they so in they so they self-loathe themselves and don't have enough power and they don't have enough consciousness, not consciousness, they don't have enough confidence within themselves to even build themselves up. So when a man tears them down, that shatters them. Because even if they did wake up this morning, I'm gonna tell myself a hundred times I look good, I look beautiful, I love my size, you know, I know I can gain the weight, I'm I'm still, I'm you overthinking it. Then when a person like, you need to lose weight, you need to do this, you need to, ugh, you just yo, you damaging. That's damaging right there. Cause understanding when she materialized it, her confidence was already low when she came to you. Let's say what it is. Then instead of building her up like she builds you up, she washes her draw, rub your feet, do all that.

SPEAKER_01: 22:12

You uh look at your hell. You need to do that and do it's it's as simple as that, people.

SPEAKER_00: 22:24

Like, honestly, like it's nothing. You gotta be careful with your choice of words and communicating. I'm not saying, oh, you gotta walk on eggshells or you gotta be too nice and all that. No, it's just be respectful. We lost a sense of respect in the sense of actually being a human being and respecting other people's feelings without being an a-hole, without trying to be condescending, without trying to make people I'm better than you. You should you should be grateful I gave you attention. You see what I'm saying? You see how that sounds? It don't sound good. But this is this this is the ideologies that get spread around to all these different people. But then when they get addressed with it, it's not that. It's more to life, even just with friendships, and more to life, it's more than relationships than sex. It's not about what your body can do, how good you can perform oral or whatever sex. That's cool. But that only lasts for so long. If you around here getting used up like a used car wash rag, you gotta understand you get a lot of stains on it. You get a lot of stains on it. It gets to the point of what you do when they get a lot of stains on it. You gotta do what? Put it in the washer. It get real, real, real dirty. You gotta put it in the washer and clean it. But a lot of times, even when you put it in the washer, guess what? Them stains don't go away. But at the same time, people, relationships, like I said, relationships are more than just sex. Friendships are more than just being uh being a person that that's standing right there, being next to a person every day. A friendship is actually you building, you building something with a person. If y'all really rock with each other, y'all influencing each other to be to be a whole a way better person. Y'all ain't talking about, y'all ain't telling myths about each other, y'all ain't gossiping with about other people and all that. And that's another thing I feel like, even because I'm seeing it with the men as well. Women been doing it, but is is the women, the men got it bad too. Stop gossiping about one homeboy to another homeboy. That that is the most, that is the most, excuse me, unman-like character trait that you can have. Because I don't want to keep hearing about this certain person doing this, this certain person may not like me, or this certain person getting on my nerves. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear that. Who in their right mind would want to hear other people talking about every time you look around, it's always, it's always, hey, look at this. Look at that pitch. She looks like a man. I don't care if she does. That has nothing to do with me. But that's what I see. A lot of times people are very shallow and they thinking it's funny, but it's always a joke. It's always something with you, with a person, if they always got another person's name in their mouth. If you have a friend like that or family members, please get away from them because you can easily one day not even been said anything towards that person or whatever, and they can easily rope you into something. They can easily say, well, that person said that. Well, you know, Dante said what he said, and all that, and whoop-woop whoop. Then you, you know. And you know, then now it ain't funny no more. Now people want to actually do something to you because you actually said something out of the way, they'll get you messed up. That's why I said don't talk about people behind their back if you can't say it in their face. That's just the number one guideline. Because what you entertain is what you are as a whole. I don't I don't care how smart you are, what money you make, what you entertain is what you are. And a lot of people out here are phony and messy. Men are included in this. Y'all have to stop doing this. Period. That's why it's a lot of people in the demographic are like, well, the men acting like women, the women acting like men. Look at what you have. You have a bunch of men sitting up here gossiping about other men, hating on another person, always got their name in their mouth, can't never leave them alone. But then when they come time to confront them, I don't know, I don't know. I ain't saying nothing. I don't really hate the person for me. I'm just exactly because you're scary. Stop talking so much before you get hurt. Cause then if that person was to find out all the stuff that you've been saying about him and he come and really press you and dog you out, you are not going to do anything. Because you are the type of person you have to literally talk behind his back or her back, why are you even still around that person? That's why I said people are using you. They they are used to because you make them look good. If you're around the smart person in school, guess what? Since you're a part of, since you his friend, they're gonna make, well, his friend must be smart too. And wrong is not. He not smart. Because he doing, he entertaining this stuff. A lot of times, a lot of friends, when you in certain friendship, people are wearing friends as it as an accessory. What I mean by an accessory, you know how you put on a necklace and watch an earring? People are wearing a good friend like that because that makes them look good. Oh, I can walk outside with him. He got this going on, she got this going on, she got a hair building, he do this, he. They don't really care for you like that. It's it's whatever. It's okay, like they still do some stuff, but they really using you because you make them look good. Guarantee a hundred out of ten. If a person, if you didn't make a person look good just as a whole, even with even just even relationships, a lot of time people are small-brained. They want people, yeah. I want that 10. I want that, I want that, I want that 10, I want that bad one. And she don't even love you for real. She just loves you for what you got. She loves your attention. She loves what you can offer versus you got somebody at home that cooked, clean, wash. Show draws, do all that. But you throwing that way for a chicken head on the street that's basically gonna that that basically she just looking for she looking for a quick buck.

SPEAKER_01: 30:15

Simple as that. Cause say you ain't gonna say you ain't gonna no money.

SPEAKER_00: 30:21

Why she treats you like you ugly? Exactly. Like we there is no debating about that. Like what is there even the discussion about that? So in hindsight, people a lot of times, a lot of times we look into this, we look into the diameters of our life and we feel like they make up so much of what we have, our friendships, our relationships. It's a lot. It makes up it makes who it makes us it makes us who we are as people. It's no trading it. A lot of times you can you can cut off friends, cut off relationships, you can cut off people, but a lot of times if you're not trying to do better within yourself and grow and develop to become a better person, become that best person when nobody is around you, you will never, you like I said, you are you are considered a you you like to be around Posse. You you ain't nothing you ain't no better than a uh you ain't no better than a gang member. You are a follower. You need people to influence you to do better. You can't do that by yourself. It shouldn't take me, it shouldn't take a person to influence you to get out and actually do your job. Well, what if I don't have no self-confidence and stuff like that? Building you up is one thing, but holding your hand, it's gonna be alright. It's gonna be okay. You're this, you're this. I have I do not have to reassure you every day. Simple as this. Hell, I don't have people reassuring me every day, and sometimes I feel like I fell off the ball. So at the same time, if you don't learn how to love yourself and really learn how to actually distinguish amongst yourself, okay, I have a talent, I need to grow, I have to do this, I have to do that. That is when you become something higher. When you have when you don't have to depend the when you don't have to depend on the love of others or look at the opinions or the views of others and how they treat you, your success is built off of your support, the people that support you positively, not for no reason, not for no get back or any other reason other than that, that supports you in a positive way that push you, they give you that fuel and energy along with your drive, because you gotta have drive. You gotta have determination. This ain't just coming off day back. This ain't no anime. You literally have to put in the work to believe yourself because if you don't believe in yourself, hellin' there ain't no reason for them to even be supporting you. They can support you all day long. But if you ain't supporting yourself, how you won't? What's the point? Please tell me that. How that don't make sense. If you got two friends, two people supporting you in the back, they know you got the talent, they know you got the ability to do this and do that. But you looking like, man, I don't know, bro. I'm still like, they gonna get tired of you because it's like, like, bro, what the hell? Like, I'm telling you, go out there, go do it, go go kill it. I know you got it. But you have to have that get up and go. If you don't have that, it's nothing that people can do for you.

SPEAKER_01: 34:14

Simple as that.

SPEAKER_00: 34:18

And that and that'll be the end of this episode, y'all. And I appreciate y'all for staying tuned and watching everything, and making sure y'all download these episodes, subscribe to our YouTube page, like, comment, share, and make sure you follow us on Spotify, Facebook, Amazon Music, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts. We on everything. So just make sure you check us out, view the other episodes, and on that note, I see y'all in the next episode.